This is a "bring and buy sale" of jokes that are suitable for use in sermons. The idea is very simple.....post your joke as a comment to this message. Browse the comments (after a day or two!) to see if you can find some inspiration for your own sermon....
Rules of Posting: Nothing unsuitable for the pulpit! If you know this joke came from somewhere else it would be nice to credit the original.
A sheep farmer was standing beside the road looking at his happy flock of sheep. Suddenly a sports car screeches to a halt beside him and a young man in an Armani suit gets out. He says to the farmer:
ReplyDelete“If I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one of them?”
“OK the farmer replies”
So the man reaches into his car and brings out his Ipad which is linked to a GPS positioning device which is in contact with a number of NASA satellites over head. The satellites scan the flock and give an instant reading back to the man’s computer.
“You have 457 sheep”
“That’s right” said the farmer. And the young man lifts a sheep from the flock and puts it in the back of his car.
“Before you go” said the farmer, if I can tell you what you do for a living will you let me have my animal back?
“OK” said the man.
“You’re a management consultant” said the farmer.
“That’s amazing” said the young man. “How could you possibly know that?”
“Well, it’s simple” replied the farmer. “You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you know nothing about my business. Now give me back my dog."
A West Country farmer was in court trying to win damages from another man after a car accident. He is under cross examination from the defendant’s barrister.
ReplyDelete"Is it true that you said you were absolutely fine at the scene of the accident?" the barrister asks.
"Well" said the farmer. "It all started like this see...."
"Please can you just answer the question - yes or no - did you say you were fine at the scene of the accident?"
At this point the judge intervenes and allows the old farmer to tell his story:
"See, what happened was, I was going along the road between my farm and market and towing a cow in a trailer that I was hoping to sell. Suddenly this man comes round the corner at 70 miles an hour on the wrong side of the road. I swerve to avoid him, the trailer jack-knifes, and both my truck and the trailer ends up upside down on the road. Both me and my cow are thrown into a ditch besides the road. I am unable to move and suspect my leg has been broken, and I can here the plaintive mooing of my cow who is obviously hurt badly too. Out of the corner of my eye I see this man produce a rifle from the back of his car and shoot my cow. He then comes over to me and asks me how I am…..and I decide I’d better tell him I’m fine.” Courtesy of Rev Jonathan Perkin @johnnyperkin